Living Above the Influence

It's easy to judge others, easy to fall into the drama, easy to put down others to make yourself feel better.  In most instances the easy way is not the right way. Human nature is to compete. Human nature is to judge others decisions, choices, ways, journeys....But, as a human, you have the choice to live above that influence. When you think about society, it can on the surface, be a disgusting thing. I think about all the negative influences that surround us each day. I have to purposefully search for the positive and the good things that occur every day. And just as I have to do that with intent and purpose, I have been really trying to focus on not getting caught up in the drama and judgement days. I consider myself to be a caring, thoughtful and kind individual. I work hard to stay positive in my life and try hard to effect others around my in a positive way. I was reminded of all these thoughts today when having lunch with a friend I have known since 6th grade. Natalie and I have had our ups and downs. As adults though, we have grown to respect one another's lives. As we have evolved, we have realized the treasures in friendships and in life in general. I believe we have always stayed in contact because of our history. We have a foundation built with blood, seat and tears. In middle school and high school, we had each other's backs. Natalie and I had many family circumstances that were similar. We could easily empathize with each other. And still to this day as 27 year olds, we understand each other's pasts and why we each have made the choices that we have. It really hit me today, we have grown so much as individuals. One thing I especially appreciated was our continued conversation. As we shared stories, we were both making connections to our own lives. We reflected, analyzed and gave insight to why we operate the way we do. I left that lunch feel healthier. I know that is a strange adjective to describe the way I felt, but that is the best overall word I can think of. I felt healthier emotionally as we shared personal stories and gave one another insight, I felt healthier mentally as we shared successes and goals and overall,  felt like I left that lunch as a better person. Natalie reminded me of what life is all about:  living your best life and only hoping the best for others. Hearing Natalie's perspective of marriage, motherhood and her decisions about her career was exactly what I needed to hear. I look up to her as a wife, mother and friend. I learned alot today from my dear friend, Natalie, and I was able to grow as I was reminded of things that I already knew. My heart and mind were clear and I was simply available to be effected in a positive way. So, thank you Natalie for being so great. The conversations we shared today cannot be had by just anyone. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and kind ways. You are an inspiration!

Small Town vs. Big City

As you know, Mike and I moved this summer. We now live in a very small city, and I mean very. I was a little apprehensive to move her because there isn't much around. There are little shops, stores and businesses. We are right off a major highway, so we do not have to travel more than 15 minutes to get to a larger town though. Anyway, when we first moved I was having a hard time adjusting to how slow the town moves. Cashiers, checkers, drivers, walkers.....everything one setting.....slow. It did not take me long though to appreciate it as I do now. I makes me more patient. But, what I love the most is in every situation, whether it be the bank teller, the post office worker, the gas station cashier, they always take the time to do 2 things:  Smile and ask how I am doing. And they mean it. Every time. A year ago if someone were holding be up by not moving as fastly as I hoped for, I would have been short and rude. I am not proud of that, that is just the honest truth. However, this weekend, I caught myself. I have fallen into there trap. I do it now too. I slow down and I am kind. I ask them how they are. I have had more conversations with complete strangers than I ever have. I have also noticed I have become more calm since moving here. I am more relaxed and at peace. Weird, but makes sense. Love the unexpected. Another reason my sweet small town was in my thoughts is due to a convo I shared with our friend, Aeric, earlier last week. He is currently in Chicago, playing the role as a law student with lots of stress, not enough time and working hard to have dreams come true. The big city is getting to him and starting to take its toll. He is counting the days. I can only empathise with him. He is dying to get back to him home town of STL. As we talked, I reminded him to keep pushing and as much as we all are patiently awaiting his arrival, he should try to keep his smile the last few months in Chicago. Easier said than done, I know. I was able to connect though from a different angle. I am always thinking and reflecting, trying to make connections. Not that I want to bring it back to me, but I think we all can benefit from others perspectives and learn new things about ourselves, if you let yourself live in that moment.

Honesty...

Honesty is one of the best characteristics a person can have. I appreciate honesty and truth and the older I get the more I treasure them both. One of my favorite things about kids, especially the age I teach, is they are honest. You usually do not have to wonder what they are thinking. One thing I learned at an early age, simply by observing the trouble others would get into, is if I tell the truth, I only have to remember one story. And that's the true story. I do no have to keep track of who I told what to or the details I decided to add to embellish the story. I value the fact that when a friend, or anyone for that fact, asks for advice or my opinion, I tell exactly how I feel. I share what my heart and head feel and think. Honesty in friendships and relationships is expected. It's something that if one lacks, they will not be around for long in my life. It goes back to the golden rule. I expect honesty from others, therefore, I am truthful and honest to others. Respect honesty, live and honest life....because, "Honesty is the best gift you can give."

Let Go of the Idea...

"Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can't Be Superachievers." I had an instant connection with these words when I first read them in the book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. First, please understand that I do not think this about others. I feel like if I calm down, I will not stay motivated. I feel like if I relax, I will lose my edge. These things are not true and I was able to realize that and reflect after I read this quote. When I am stressed or have too much on my to do list, I rush. I let my anxiety get the best of me and this is when I make mistakes, whether it be on paper, in an email or verbally. I have been focusing on slowing down and calming down. I have made less errors by doing this. I am speaking about in my relationships and in my career. Something so small caught my eye and I am so glad it did because it fits perfectly in my life.

My Goals for 2012

Each year I create a new goal list. The past few years I have accomplished many things from my list, but there are always goals that really aren't meant to accomplish in a year or that are simply ongoing. This continues to be true with my list this year as well. To recap, in 2011, I can proudly say, many of my goals we met:  I finally completed my MSE, I have remembered to slow down and enjoy planning our wedding, I love 42 pounds and we purchased a home. There were a few huge accomplishments in my life that I was not planning on encountering that took place as well. My mom moved home. I am very happy she is home, however, her relocating brought many barred emotions to surface. I will reflect on that at a later posting. I also really focused on having more of an open mind with my dad and Candy and our relationship has improved greatly.
This brings me to my 2012 Goal List in no particular order:

1. Have a little less control and a little more trust in my family and friends. I have really seen that I need to let go more and trust. This has really been highlighted in planning for our wedding. I have friends and family that will start planning something, like our shower and I can't just let them do it. I want to be in control and be the leader. I do not do it on purpose, but I have been called out and I will work on this.
2. Focus on my classroom and teaching position that I have now. I need to allow myself to enjoy what I have worked so hard for. It's too early to make a decision about the next step. It is ok to not have the answers now and continue figuring out what will be the next best step for me. I do not have to commit to a path quite yet.
3. "Let go of the idea that gentle, relaxed people can't be superachievers." -Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (book that I am reading. I will be blogging later about this asa well). I have calmed down a lot in the past dew years. However, I know I can still be a pretty intense person. I want to control this more. Being intense is part of me and my identity. I do not want to take that away, but learn to control it more.
4. Ignore my negative thoughts. The past few months I have really focused on this. I have developed a strategy to get the negative thoughts out of my mind and its working! I want to continue to make myself more aware of my negative thoughts so I can do away with those thoughts that are nothing but destructive.
5. Become faster and stronger. This has always been a passion of mine that I have not fully recognized or taken action on. I am signed up for a Relay Marathon April 15. I will be running 7 miles. Which, is a very scary and intimidating goal for myself. But, I started training at the beginning of the month and will do it. I know I will be slow and I accept that. But, when I run shorted distances, I go for speed. If you're laughing now, I understand. Speed and Danielle do not go together! But, they will one day! I want to be strong. I want to know that if I am ever in a situation that I need to defend myself, I have a fighting chance. In return, I want to lose these last 13 lbs, darnit!
6. Keep creating little things that matter in the big picture in my relationship with Mike. Together, Mike and I have seen 7 failed marriages in our households. This can make or break us. We have chosen to recognize it and use it to help make our relationship stronger. Some of the things we do are corny, but they make us stronger. We have been doing monthly secret dates for the past few years. Since we moved in, we have been slacking due to our schedules and doing them every other month. We need to get back on track!  But, what we do is each month we plan a date for the other person. We keep the details a secret. We have taken each other to concerts, shows, parks, lunches, dinners and as simple as pizza and a movie in. One other thing we started doing is every Sunday night we tell each other one thing that we are proud of one another for the week. This has been impactful for the both of us. It reminds us that we believe in one another and are proud of one another.
7. To not just be comfortable, but confident in my own skin. I am getting closer, but I am not there yet. I accept I will never be a size 2. I am okay with that. I want to be a healthy size for me. I want people to see from looking at me that I am a healthy and fit adult. I want to motivate people to make changes for the health.

I am keeping it to 7 this year. They are 7 meaty goals that will be hung on the fridge. Please feel free to check in on my goals. This is why I share them, so you can help hold me accountable for them. I want to know what your goals are. I want to help you in your journey in 2012. Email them or send me a facebook message. And if you have never created goals like this, do it! I put them on my fridge so people see them. Do not keep them a secret, by doing that you are asking for failure. What it comes down to is there are days you cannot do it alone. Those days will beat you alone, but they will not beat you and your support system. Think about it....